Separated

Have you ever spent so much time with a person that you know that this person is a part of your life and you know that you wouldn't ever want to every say goodbye, and as the time goes by you notice that time is just too short, and what you did before was just a blink of an eye from yesterday, hell yea we have probably been through all this whether they are a friend or a partner.

A year has gone by, i had my ups and downs, we spent out time together almost every day, we move from place to place joked so loud that no one even gets it, all i know is the moment we decided to move forward together with our hands held tight it was the best thing that has ever happened to me, we traveled loved, learned, teach, and a lot more, but what this one year we had together did not prepare me for properly was the day of your departure, we spent our last week together 24/7 had our very last laughs and tears at the very last moments, thinking about the time we spent is a very good way to stay happy, but it is also a very painful experience. 

Since the day that you turned around and walked through those doors  i have been struggling to put my life back together, but it really takes a of people, and a lot of time to fill up the void that was left in emptiness, now I just sit at home every day sulking and lazing around with no proper goal. The moment when I let go of your hand was a day i felt that i can't live with out the women in my life, she is the one that has made me forget about what is in the past stay in the past.

Now everyday i look forward to most is a text from you, having the chance to your face again through this piece of glass, all i know is i have forgotten how does it feel like to hold your hand the touch of your skin and the kiss of your cheeks, the texture of your skin when i hold you close to my heart as it was the first time we truly departed both ways. 

I don't really know how a long distance relationship works, because i have never tried to fight for one in the past, but now i really wonder how so many of my friends could stand not seeing their partners for over 2 years and still keep such a calm face when we see them everyday, this is an obstacle none the less which i hope i can accomplish without any hassle, I am very depressed since the day you left, but as a boyfriend, i'm suppose to support you and wish you all the best, yes and i wonder so many times that am i selfish for wishing that you will not leave my side to chase your dream, what am i saying of course i am selfish for even thing about this.

I guess the is really the true test of loyalty, perseverance, and strength, i will wait for you till the day my other half comes back home. 

I love you TeaYeon remember that you have a home here back in Malaysia

Happy one year anniversary 

You showed my the deliciousness of Jajangmian =))

We ended up right where we began

Flips the pictures

Hello life, the past few months have been enjoyable, or more to say interesting, i've met many new friends and also seen more of a grown up life, wanting something is not enough now i guess, but the fulfillment after the goal or the thing that you have wanted after so long is in your grasp. . . 

But then after awhile when you look at it again, you said no you don't need that, well all i have to say is this few months through i have learned a lot of lessons, i have grew up a lot more, and lastly firmly plant myself on the earth that i have stand, quitting cigarets was really hard i am still trying, well progress is there. and loving my wife as always, changing one after another is more, or more likely I'm way to old to play this game already, but then again i am not complaining, my girl is way better then any that have ever came over.

Not to say that the past is bad it's just she may be the right one to live with my life, a guy is just a guy with out a companion, you can grow old and still not have a girl by your side and still say hey i love my life i don't need a girl, but before you know it, everyone around you is getting hitched, going into a relationship or eve finally falling in love. Matter is you don't need to rush this, i guess i have learned that living with yourself happily is good enough, but when the time comes when the right girl comes along. . .

What would you do? 

Would you just sit there?

Would you just let her walk pass as you fail to catch her?

Well i don't know about you, but I've caught my butterfly, in the past i have been trying to look for the right relationship and the right girl, wasting my time, wasting my money on girls that i think are hot or cute or what every horny guys say, but when the right one comes it will just shoot right in your face, do you know why? because it has always been there all the while, my girl i have known her for awhile i just had no interest in a girl like that, but after dating awhile it was a start right away.

Some people fall in love at first sight but, i didn't fall for her till i guess she let me through the golden gates of her heart. Cheesy ain't it, but it doesn't matter.

When i looked through the pictures of my old phone, i smiled. . . looking at the past 2 years of how much i have grown, and how childish i have been made me wonder, if i had grown up sooner what would if be like? would it be any different from who i am right now? would i have learned how to earn my own money? would i have learned how to stand up after i fall. truth is no one knows, our future is unknown to us, you may go to a party after reading this or go on a date who cares, but will the date that you have, or the party you're going to be as what you expect it to be, hey worst case you would try some cocaine and OD, or go on a date with a play girl that you would one day marry .

The pictures i have flipped through were in the past, i smiled at them, i watched the past videos and teared a little, but all of them are but memories, they won't come back to say lets repeat what just happened, soon those pictures you had you're probably going to delete, or even just lose them would you fell sad? NO!! you shouldn't, because living in the past is a drag, living for the future is too unpredictable, whats important is now, and what you do with you life. 

You could get drunk when you're happy or sad, or you can sit on a roof some where with a beer in your hand and say life sucks. Why does life truly suck? BECAUSE YOU DONT MOVE ON!!! i move on with my life every time i fail, doesn't mean it keeps me down, live on what you currently have, no what you're going to have or what you had two days ago.

All this brings me back to one picture that made me write this it was the first picture that i hoped would be my Tattoo, it was "CARPE DIEM" with some ideas drawn to it, and i may have for gotten about this tattoo, but i have been living my life with this word for over 2 years and it has brought me nothing but problems, and also a whole lot of happiness. Yeah i said problems, nothing is perfect life sucks move on, if you don't move on just cry if you want, no one is going to pity you when you're down, so get up and live your life again. 

well this was really a very emotional post for me with all the stress, and drama going around, life really throws loads of shit, but if you just calm down and look at it at a different point of view, you may actually find that there is nothing to be worried about, unless if it is a pregnancy that is something you should worry about. 

Other then that, my suggestion to you would be look back at the past pictures, if you have problems who knows those pictures may give you answers, a picture speaks a thousand words, but sometimes the meaning my differ. 

love life, and live it CARPE DIEM

New start??

Hello everyone it has been 5 days since the new year, life has been great so far. for the past year everything was totally great and well i have a good feeling about this one.

People always say that every year you must have a new years resolution well tell you the truth i think its stupid. Why do i say so? simply because almost everyone is going to fail to achieve this goal that they have set. for example, i have heard so many of my friends saying, i'm going to loss weight, i'm going to quit smoking, i'm gonna save up more money,but in the end almost no one achieves what they said, it will probably go on for 2weeks, or 2 months, then it all ends, the resolution is forgotten. 

Every one fails to achieve a certain goal sometimes but i guess be realistic, besides just going for the goal straight up you could set an easier one, like instead of losing weight you could just cancel out junk foods or fast foods for a few weeks, i guess that would probably help for losing weight. Well for smoking, thats a different story, i myself have been going at it all year, and well i didn't get much results either for the past few months. but i guess cutting back could be a good option. 

All i know is set your goals up good enough so that you could reach them, but not too high. After a few months when you see the results it might not be as great but it's probably a better result from what you had from the past year. Tell your self everyday that this time i am doing it, not that i will do it or i am going to do it. Tackle your goal and see the results, its all in your own mind set. 

I know my year is going to be great, i'm quitting cigarettes. . . . yes i know many of my friends would probably go yea right, listen first, but actions speak louder then words so just do it. This year is also the year where i'm finally going to graduate from diploma. like finally seriously, All the time i have wasted, finally i have a result to show. 

Besides studies, this is probably going to my journal, everything that will happen or is happening will be here, so that one day i would look back at this year 2015 i would laugh at myself in the future.
this was what happened in the last few months to me. . .

Our prom performance

(we are troublemakers)

our second month anniversary 

Isn't she just the cutest <3<3<3

Hair Going pink

(was on accident for using a funny conditioner) 

lastly finding the love of my life

(she is the one)

I guess all I'm just saying the best thing that has happened to me for the past few months is her

my most beautiful, hottest, sexiest, and lastly cutest girlfriend.

lastly happy new year everyone all the best for the coming year, 

and make sure to always be happy in what you are doing.

Here is a flip for the new year

A path to walk

I have been on and off different paths in my life, seeing different people and talking to even more, but finally until now i have really found one that i can seriously walk down till it ends. I have finally found what to live for. i use to think that there is nothing much to look forward to, live is simple enough to live day by day like this, but now there is finally a real goal for me to achieve.

I slacked of the paths many time, I gave up on many great things that i never though would actually mean something, but now i hope i can get back up on those paths that i was once on. I even had always though that it is not worth to push on but, now i know even a single thread on a tapestry, though it's color brightly shines, can you ever see its purpose, in the picture of its grand design. The stone that sits on the very top on the mountains mighty face, does it think its more importance then the stones that form the base.

From just the words that i heard from a few close friends have finally woke me up, to chasing what i was once chasing. I could have never seen what life was worth with out them. He and she, both of these friends though it was not long i have met them, but i can see that they will be very amazing people one day, I may not be around when they do, but its just because of that slight push that i needed. i'm done being the joker, the player, and the one that everyone asks to drink.

The new path that i have chosen is no mistake, i was once successful, i could have became better, but I stopped, it's time to get back on and make my something of my self again, I may be a nothing now, but watch me world as with god and my friends by my side i believe that with this I can move mountains.

Anything that is of unimportance will be shrugged off, while I grow with the time that passes. Now i really know the meaning of nothing good comes easy, and nothing easy is good. there is a quote that i once heard " When i rich man loses everything he owns, has he truly lost his worth, or is it the beginning of a new and brighter birth". Without trying there is no chance in getting better. Sometimes we need to look at it from heaven's eye.

Loneliness

What is loneliness really, all i know there are people out there feeling lonely right now, and needing company and comfort. All of us have our own ways to over come loneliness, some use studying, some just get hobbies, but what about the others that have no way to over come this? This is a pain i have been through before and i don' t want anyone to go through the same feeling.

now after a few months of being single it doesn't really matter if you are single or not, everyone would feel lonely, i feel lonely almost every day, when i sit in the car by the lake taking a puff from the cigarettes, I use to think i was thinking, why am i feeling so depressed, why do i always feel down. Well i took me awhile to piece together one and one. I know i might have been slow, but loneliness hurts, just the other night when i hugged her to sleep i felt happy that some one was there,  it was a feeling that i had not felt in awhile.

Although i knew the answers to the questions she would give i still wanted to spend as much time as i can with her, it doesn't matter how the time was spent, just seeing her, holding her, and listening to her voice is enough to make me smile. Enough of that, in school i always wanna have people around me, i always wanted to have people to chat and have fun with, but when i have no plans what do i do? I feel lonely like why am i so alone.

The girl that i met when she told me that hope kept her there, I'm guessing she had no feelings for me what so ever when she told me this, she told me that when i asked him out he would say no, as long as he would not give him a chance, then i felt wait you're doing the same thing, but i couldn't let her know, so i hugged her, and hope that she would notice that i really do care, i hope she notices that i don't simply open up myself, i hugged you so that you would know that i'd be there for you.

I'm laughing right now thinking when you see this, you might not talk to me again, that the loneliness would just be in the cycle again. If you do see this, i just want you to know, it's easy to say you moved on, but your heart doesn't always do so, you can tell me you do like me and not give me hope, but like you I still hope, hope that you would open up to me, at least you would feel lonely again, because i was lonely before.

A play boys life

In the past i have been a play boy, well maybe i still am i can't really tell anymore. it all started when i was 15 i had too a choice of keeping to my word and being with one, or going for the one that has rejected me. one of them rejected me again and again, till the day i gave up, there was already some one there comforting me, so as anyone, of course i took a step back and went for the one that has comfort me. 

one mistake i did was changing my mind, i turned around and hurt the one that was there to comfort me, and continued to be in a relationship with the one that rejected me. in life i notice this has happened to me from time to time, its when you don't want it and when you have already given up, it comes to you without saying much. After when we broke up, I got with her best friend, the one that I hurt. she says that she is ok she didn't like me anyway, well i can see that it was all lies, but when i was going for her best friend the same thing happened, the moment i gave up and went for another, she came back. 

Back then i didn't understand why was she like this, and her name was Hannah by the way. our relationship didn't last long we were always arguing, and 8 months just past, i lied to her again and again, because i was afraid that she would get angry at the most stupidest things, so I lied. now i understand why, why shouldn't i lie to her. 

because of the things i have don't in the past, i have always had many choices, some bad and some good, I learned many things, mostly i learned to be patient. it wasn't until lately things started to move backwards again when i start to notice similarities that i have done in the past, which lead to writing this. 

Karma, i thought many times that me liking this girl would be the last, and she this girl would be the last, right now i only thought guys would always go for one night stands, i was wrong. there was this girl the other day not so long ago. I had feelings for her, we had a little too much to drink, i finally confessed to her when we were drunk, yes that was stupid of me. I kissed her, she kissed back and sparks flew that night. The next day she woke up beside me, i asked her do you remember what happened last night? no, i then explained to her, but then she regretfully said she had no feelings, she told me she had feelings on one night and it all changed the next.

Well i may still be a player inside, but it's because i'm still making my choices, there maybe better choices out there, right after my last ex i knew there were many good hearted girls, but to make a good omelet you have to break a few eggs. it was from experience where i learned how to catch girls hearts, It was from heart breaks where i learned to take care and make my choices, it was from lies where i learned the meaning of trust. 

Girls always say that guys suck, there are a lot of players out there, well it only took one girl in life to make a good guy bad. I'm done playing, although i know i still can, i just don't want to anymore

Happy Valentines day everyone

Fortune

Fortune is a part of our current life, most of the people know depends on their fortune and luck. 2013 has come to an end, so lets welcome the year of the horse.

Chinese New year, this is one of the few days i look forward to all year long, not including Christmas that is. Me and my sister's always look forward to this few days every year, the food, the red packets, and last off all is the fireworks. Every time after I get my red packets, there are a few things i would do.

As money is and always will be the few things that make me happy, well off course it doesn't make me sad to have money.

With the money received, there will always be for me a test or luck and fortune, and for many as well. On Chinese New Year gambling and loud noises make the atmosphere in my family much more livelier every year. Gambling is what i can call a bad habit of mine, a part of me believes in the things as fortune and luck during gambling, it's not that i don't have enough money, it's the thrill that I get from it.

The moment where you only stand with your last 10 Ringgit and you decide you push it all in now, and you cup your hands together hoping that what you want comes out. 

So then during Chinese New Year we sit down together to gamble, and when we win we say "HUAT AH"this word means prosperity, by gambling having the good thrill and big smile but when we lose, as the pressure of getting what we lost has got us by the throat. 

For this year i have my fortune has been going up and down, didn't lost much or the other way around. No matter how much the money is and how good the fortune could be, i know that my family will always have my back

The Potential Girl

The other day i was out having a drink with my friends, there was a a question they asked

Hey bro what is you taste of girl ah? like what kind of girl would you like, then i thought back on my ex's what kind of girls do i like, but when i think back on what kind of girl i really like, and what kind of girl do i like, they are not what of i expect.

The potential girl, i have dated many girls, not to be bragging. The potential girl i want is probably one the can be open minded, independent, sweet, and have a kind attitude. Of course thats what every one wants, then again from the ex's that i had, they are not independent, mostly not open minded, and pretty much kids from where i stand. 

Then i was thought what do i really want? feelings maybe just feelings, but they help to spark things of but if their attitudes don't fit, it really doesn't matter, for the relationship may not even last. A girl for me i guess the feelings don't really matter anymore, anything can be fallen for. as long given the right amount of time. 

Any one can like many girls, but every man can only love only one, like to love is a process. It takes time to change like into love. i have done it a few times. if anyones sees this and disagree, you can keep it to your self because this is my opinion. 

I have seen many girls that are extremely self-destructive, rude, and violent to their other half, not to say some guys aren't the same, but i still look down on a guy that would hit a girl. No girl should stand for a guy hitting them unless if they are really asking for it. 

The main point is, the girl for me now is by feeling, but i am still looking for the right one. i may have many ex's but i try to love and give my best to always make them smile. I can easily fall for any girl, but it doesn't mean i move on easy. As long as time and effort is given to love them, I would definitely have more feelings towards her. My current one has a very sweet smile and extremely smart, and being with her would make me doubt myself why would she like me. Well if it is seem from my point of view, it could be simply just love or simply enough our personalities match nicely.

I myself know how it feels to be hurt and played, and i have done my fair share of playing. from the point where I stand right now, i would know a lot about how a girl would think, and react before it even happens. So controlling and  setting something up would be easy. i may understand most girls but there are some that i still don't understand, usually those girls are known as the ones that got away. I guess it's because i couldn't understand them thats why i gave up. 

As from what i have seen for the past few days, i can consider myself an extremely patient guy, compared to some people i know. As we can see girls can sometimes be difficult, but we still sacrifice for them, why? why do we sacrifice our dignity to make them happy, the answer is pretty simple, it's because we love and care for them. 

It doesn't matter if they are creative or smart, it's the feeling and the click you have when you're with each other. Most of the couple these day always forget about why did they got together, it is very simple to just say the word break up, so easy to let go. Well i don't think so, i may have been separated for awhile now but i don't think i can ever forget what has happened in the past. The sacrifices that i have made and the sacrifices that she has given.

It is by experience thats why i understand so much, all strong relationship needs is just the right amount of understanding, love, feelings, patients, and sacrifice. All this for one simple person, The potential girl, or the future wife, to SMILE

No hates please

hipptiee hop la!!!

Boom new year so far is a blast drinking partying and meeting new people, falling for the person and knowing her even more right now, maybe i might be good enough but i'll give as much as i can to make you happy.


Steve Aoki Yooo!!!! it was a total blast, at first i felt like she treating me out for a rave isn't good for a guy, but it gave me a chance to know her more, and to have more of a feeling towards her, Well she made me smile like i never had in a long time, maybe she might be the one after all.

Nothing comes easy i guess, i'll work hard and make her happy with all i can.

Now classes has begun all i can do is sit back and watch see what happen. these days i have also said things like, if i could help i would but then i couldn't help no matter how much i want to, it totally changed how i thought, it made me feel, that i'm all talk no action. Arghh i hate being useless when some one comes to ask for help. i hope you are alright, and things go well.

i promised my self to be a different person this year and yes i did become a different person, now i think i'm still not good enough so i should be even better  =)

It's Now A New

It's a new year finally another year has passed, another 364 days have gone in a blink of an eye, more experiences have been learnt and many more to come. the past year of 2013 I have learnt a lot. Many for example that not every one can be trusted, the ones closest to you might even betray you, the ones that have always been arguing with you may be the one that loves you the most. I'm 21 this year it may seem old but I think I'm still a kid at heart.

I have been in love the last year, it could be said it was one of my few longest relationship i had, we had our ups and downs, but now it has all ended and the new year haha it was totally great.

i have also met many new friends, some that i may have doubted that they are cocky but actually very friendly, I'm sorry to all the people that i may have offended in the last year. Maybe this year we could be friends or something more. what ever it was let the past stay in the past, out with the old and in with the new.

In the past year i had many secrets, and till now they may still be secrets, I still don't understand why cant i trust anyone. I have tried to be open, tried to speak my mind, but in the end only strangers know me better then my best friends. I guess I'm just afraid "smirk".

The last year i have traveled to many places from the closes of Genting to the furthest Bangkok, in the end when i got back for new year, and wanted a change, I made out with a girl on new years day, and slept with one the next. Hey some may hate what i do, but if you don't live when would you. My way of living might be less interesting as some others but it was a my own roller-coaster of life.

This year i hope to look to settle down and earn more money, probably upgrade myself, every one now is trying very hard to upgrade, so why cant I, every one should look forward for a better future.

Moral of the story - It doesn't mean new year you need to change yourselves, change anytime but for the better and don't look back on what fucks have you done, the past maybe better or worse, but the future is a mystery

Talent

Talent is a wonderful thing to have, we all have you skills that we are very good at, some say that they have nothing they are good at, but they never seem to count the most significant thing in their lives. Making friends, making people laugh is also a talent, apparently lately I've found out that making people fall in love with you is a talent, but it is also a curse. loving and being loved is two different love, no matter how much you say you love some one that person may not love you equally, they may even love you a lot more, or not at all.

We all perceive love in a different view, i see love in a vision of, if there is a chance we can share our live's together it'll be better but no matter how much you love a person, you have to understand them support them even as much as it pains. As i am loving some one in my life, she may be with some one but i will always try to be her pillar of strength, it may not always be the best, but i now its all i can give, hopefully it would under stand.

We maybe standards or life times apart but if my heart stands you know you are worth it. 

Talent is a very strong thing, it may be the difference between some ones life and death, or easy enough to convince you to stay, but all i need is one talent is to make you smile and to make you stay.

BTW NOV 30 AVICII!!!!!

把门款上了吧

从以前开始我都对每个人都没信任了，为什么呢？ 在我中学时应该是太多的人骗了我，做了一些我不能够借搜的事情。 所以现在我一些的朋友，都可说每一个朋友我都信不过。

虽然现在过了几年，可是还有点阴影。心上的问题，我都不敢说出来害怕说了就再发生多一次，最近遇到了一个人蛮不错的每次看到他我都会开心。可是爱一个人许要把心让出去，召开给他机会伤我或爱我。我虽然以前做了很多看不上眼的事情，不代表我和以前都一样。

每天看到你时都有觉得心痛，一直看着你搜酷不知你在烦什么，只能做个笨蛋让你笑笑唐你高兴，我虽然有时会做出很sohai的事情这是因为我希望你会永远都会笑。虽然在你心中我是一位男孩，但是我心中是一个想一直照顾你的男人。（哈哈哈）我在这里说着如果你要时间我可以给你，但你要记得我已经把我的心open 了给你。 没有赶着你做好选择只是要你知道我几爱你。

This may be just another love text to you, but this here is what i really feel, if you do see this, 请你不要觉得烦，我不想要你每次倒在哪里想多多。I hope when you see this you will smile more.

Words are still words though I'm glad i got to know you that night, it was a great change in my life and probably a new chapter of our life =) so now my heart is with you dun break it hurt it or give it away, keep it safe maybe beside your's haha.

BOOM!!

Happy birthday to Chee Ming =) 

last night was a blast we had a great Sabo, flour, glue honey and a whole bunch of other stuff.

in the process Zhi Jian got drunk and vomit haha. Orange vodka, like shit man, never mix it or drink it. 

beside having a great time yesterday i guess i had a lot to think about, where i stand with my friends around, but i still don't know where i stand with her, every thing is like up down before it starts, i'm not a person that like to have any problems in life, easy going simple person. 

While writing this now, i think friends are kinda important, watching them act a fool and being like all we can be around each other, really makes me smile. Great friends are hard to come by and i'm happy to have them around.

Other then that relationship problems, so down right now, i don't know what is on her mind, a moment it feels like everything is going well, in another moment everything is like just plainly messed up. probably its because i think too much or having mood swings. love is just so complicated if you know what i mean. or maybe i'm not ready to get into anything right now, im just so effing mind fucking myself right now.

好朋友只是朋友

好朋友只是朋友，还是朋友，不能夠佔有

These days i have been thinking a lot about this line, it is so simple but sometimes hard to process why.

There is this person that i have just met there are so many chances in the world and there is so many reasons more that i think we should be together, may be i am selfish thinking about it this way.

Still, in life when things are right in front of you and for me i think it would be better, 可是我们就是朋友，没有得便。I just hope that feelings are true and now for settling down i don't want anymore trouble, i don't want any of my past to repeat itself. Simple enough i guess i can call this the Friend-Zone, i rarely end up in this situation because guess i don't like the feel of just being a friend but maybe more.

我虽然样子上很坚强，可是每一个痕迹都只发生在我心上。

i may look strong from the outside, but when ever i get hurt or where ever I scar its in the heart. I am who I am today i because of many events and things that happened in the past, a person does not become who he is as simply as he or she says, its what the person goes through and what he hopes to get makes the person who he is, well mostly anyways.

Here i wanna just way that if you like some one just say, don't say i don't know or maybe, because the wait actually hurts, especially when you know there are other choices but him, if its a "NO", just say NO, he may say he'll wait, but it is mostly caused by what you said, rejecting him is better then keeping him around.

After writing so much i think this actually makes no sense and i don't know what do i want or what is going on in my mind, all i know is that this girl i met, really makes me smile and when i'm around her i don't mind blocking out everything else, she calms and chills me out.

is this love? maybe, only time will tell.

Love is a very funny thing, same as friends.
they are all stupid funny and they piss you off at times but you still love people, and love you friends

Another Month Has Passed

Things have been strange but special lately, i had met many new friends, seen many new girls, and lots more. I couldn't believe it my self when it really hit me, "i am single." before it even happened i was speechless, sad depressed, practically effed up. Being in a new college and all people are very different. i met many new friends who went on a crazy spree with me, and i think i was happy for once, i can finally cope with my studies, and create a lot of stupid memories that i know i will laugh at in the future.

To the girl i have been with for almost a year you know it was a heck of a ride i know i may not have been the best, but remember what you have learned when we were together, and always smile. although i dont really know how i really feel now, i hope that some thing would come up soon. You changed me not to say that it is bad but, now i think i can be happier with or without a girl by my side. Still you were the cutest little girl that i used to love *giggles* sadly it had to end, you and me had no future and i know it, i hope you would see it too.

Starting up business is also one of the new things that i'm doing lately, taking another step closer at being a better man, something new to learn, and probably succeed in this.

The more i think its like woah. . . one month and so much has happened, and the past few years it has been a crazy ride

My old friends

Every one had friends, same as everyone may also have enemies, for my case i didn't have much friends, at least what people call best friends.

This is my life, in high school i wanted to be one of the people that stands out but, turns out i did but not for the right reasons. My friends, i didn't have any real friends, just people that hang out with when they got no one to go to, well...... thats life, when people need something they'll call you, but when they don't they moved on as quick as money in my wallet.

i had many kinds of friends in high school, ass holes, vain people, the cool people, and they people that i hang with, well i try to hang with. For me the ass holes would always be the few that ruined my high school years, and so on.

To me i don't really care if this get read, the cool people would always be these few, Gustine, he is the person that i think is really smart and knows how to talk when he needs to talk, i really respect him, i don't know how he does it, maybe he is just the class clown, the girls are all so attracted to him but, i really envy him.

Next is Zhi Lin, every one has a extremely hot girl in their class and she is it, she is kind smart funny, and why wont i say it she is the kind of girl i wish i could have, but i guess i really wasn't part of their in crowd, i remember back on my birthday, i didn't get anything for my birthday, but she out of all the people that i know got me a mug, it just showed me a little hope out there for me. When life seemed down she showed me a little bit of something for me to live for, and i did it really made me smile. But as every hot perfect girl there is always a guy by their side either a best friend that will never approve of you, or a boyfriend. Last thing i have to say to this extraordinary girl is a big THANK YOU!!!

Another is Eng wei, he is a nice person to be with, i know he tried to reach out to me as a friend before but i guess i was to blind to see it too much ego, and i guess i thought i was better, Eng wei and me go why back, to the years of primary school, we may not have talk much but i wish i could have told you one thing now, i'm really sorry if i irritated you bro. and thanks for being there for me last time.

There are just so many people to go on for friends, but today i'm gonna just stick with this three, they stuck with me and bared my fucked up attitude and accepted me for who i am.

Even though we may not be friends now, i hope in the future we have a better chance, And i have new friends now by the way they are just cool.

Last i could remember

The last i could remember was well during my secondary years, when i was 13.

everyone just left primary school and moving towards high school, hoping things would be different, well it was. 

When it all started, the first few weeks were normal if i could recall, it was time for us to choose our extra curricular activities, well normal guys at that age would think hey i wanna stand out and be cool, and probably join the basket ball team, soccer team, or socialize more with the interact club or Leo club.

For me things were very different, all my old friends had different views like joining scouts or st.Johns, well for me i felt embraced at first, i joined the cheerleading team. "wow" a guy doing cheerleading, it was fun for the first few months then i started to noticed that cheerleading was taking up a lot of my time well thats for cheerleading. 

Now back to me, i was a extremely vain person, with an enormous ego that needed a lot of attention, yes i admit it i was a person who people call "LOA" lack of attention. wanted to be popular liked to brag and show off when given the chance, but for me, i never had money, i never had fame. I simply just wanted to be seen and wishing that i was the person that every one would invite out, like the in-crowd. I have aways hated the people in the in-crowd in my high school, to top it off i had cheerleading practice which made life hard for me.

You could say that i was an extreme brat, or and annoying ass hole that no one likes, but i really do try my best, at least i think i do. In class i was not one of the most outstanding students, instead more like the failures, and to top it off i had no excuse, just blame my laziness. 

During this period of my life i had a girl friend hard expect, she was the cutest and one of my best ex's currently, her name is "Vivian Tan" from Klang MGS, we were together for two and a half years. well she really made me happy we did not kiss but, yea as every one says puppy love is like that. After one year came disloyalty, i felt that she didn't care, and yea needless to say, i guess she didn't, she had another guy coincidentally named Chris. 

Right at the time i thought, "meh i could get a better girl" well that was not exactly true. i moved on pretty quick and I just wanted to look for the perfect girl, girls like Chia Nee, Mei sin, Li Fern, Florence, Ee Yen, and many other girls that came after, i started to become a play. Girls kept a distance, names came out man whore, dick, black sheep, etc. 

My life was a downward spiral, in my second year of high school, well i learned that people still do try to interact with me giving me a chance to make friends, but cheerleading, the practices were taking up all my time the commitment was unbearable, my friends were going on trips, i was back at school doing flips, i felt sad, my friends were gaming, and my house...... didn't had internet FML.

I'll stop here at the middle of my second year, my life has never been great but i always still try to smile.