A path to walk

I have been on and off different paths in my life, seeing different people and talking to even more, but finally until now i have really found one that i can seriously walk down till it ends. I have finally found what to live for. i use to think that there is nothing much to look forward to, live is simple enough to live day by day like this, but now there is finally a real goal for me to achieve.

I slacked of the paths many time, I gave up on many great things that i never though would actually mean something, but now i hope i can get back up on those paths that i was once on. I even had always though that it is not worth to push on but, now i know even a single thread on a tapestry, though it's color brightly shines, can you ever see its purpose, in the picture of its grand design. The stone that sits on the very top on the mountains mighty face, does it think its more importance then the stones that form the base.

From just the words that i heard from a few close friends have finally woke me up, to chasing what i was once chasing. I could have never seen what life was worth with out them. He and she, both of these friends though it was not long i have met them, but i can see that they will be very amazing people one day, I may not be around when they do, but its just because of that slight push that i needed. i'm done being the joker, the player, and the one that everyone asks to drink.

The new path that i have chosen is no mistake, i was once successful, i could have became better, but I stopped, it's time to get back on and make my something of my self again, I may be a nothing now, but watch me world as with god and my friends by my side i believe that with this I can move mountains.

Anything that is of unimportance will be shrugged off, while I grow with the time that passes. Now i really know the meaning of nothing good comes easy, and nothing easy is good. there is a quote that i once heard " When i rich man loses everything he owns, has he truly lost his worth, or is it the beginning of a new and brighter birth". Without trying there is no chance in getting better. Sometimes we need to look at it from heaven's eye.

Loneliness

What is loneliness really, all i know there are people out there feeling lonely right now, and needing company and comfort. All of us have our own ways to over come loneliness, some use studying, some just get hobbies, but what about the others that have no way to over come this? This is a pain i have been through before and i don' t want anyone to go through the same feeling.

now after a few months of being single it doesn't really matter if you are single or not, everyone would feel lonely, i feel lonely almost every day, when i sit in the car by the lake taking a puff from the cigarettes, I use to think i was thinking, why am i feeling so depressed, why do i always feel down. Well i took me awhile to piece together one and one. I know i might have been slow, but loneliness hurts, just the other night when i hugged her to sleep i felt happy that some one was there,  it was a feeling that i had not felt in awhile.

Although i knew the answers to the questions she would give i still wanted to spend as much time as i can with her, it doesn't matter how the time was spent, just seeing her, holding her, and listening to her voice is enough to make me smile. Enough of that, in school i always wanna have people around me, i always wanted to have people to chat and have fun with, but when i have no plans what do i do? I feel lonely like why am i so alone.

The girl that i met when she told me that hope kept her there, I'm guessing she had no feelings for me what so ever when she told me this, she told me that when i asked him out he would say no, as long as he would not give him a chance, then i felt wait you're doing the same thing, but i couldn't let her know, so i hugged her, and hope that she would notice that i really do care, i hope she notices that i don't simply open up myself, i hugged you so that you would know that i'd be there for you.

I'm laughing right now thinking when you see this, you might not talk to me again, that the loneliness would just be in the cycle again. If you do see this, i just want you to know, it's easy to say you moved on, but your heart doesn't always do so, you can tell me you do like me and not give me hope, but like you I still hope, hope that you would open up to me, at least you would feel lonely again, because i was lonely before.

A play boys life

In the past i have been a play boy, well maybe i still am i can't really tell anymore. it all started when i was 15 i had too a choice of keeping to my word and being with one, or going for the one that has rejected me. one of them rejected me again and again, till the day i gave up, there was already some one there comforting me, so as anyone, of course i took a step back and went for the one that has comfort me. 

one mistake i did was changing my mind, i turned around and hurt the one that was there to comfort me, and continued to be in a relationship with the one that rejected me. in life i notice this has happened to me from time to time, its when you don't want it and when you have already given up, it comes to you without saying much. After when we broke up, I got with her best friend, the one that I hurt. she says that she is ok she didn't like me anyway, well i can see that it was all lies, but when i was going for her best friend the same thing happened, the moment i gave up and went for another, she came back. 

Back then i didn't understand why was she like this, and her name was Hannah by the way. our relationship didn't last long we were always arguing, and 8 months just past, i lied to her again and again, because i was afraid that she would get angry at the most stupidest things, so I lied. now i understand why, why shouldn't i lie to her. 

because of the things i have don't in the past, i have always had many choices, some bad and some good, I learned many things, mostly i learned to be patient. it wasn't until lately things started to move backwards again when i start to notice similarities that i have done in the past, which lead to writing this. 

Karma, i thought many times that me liking this girl would be the last, and she this girl would be the last, right now i only thought guys would always go for one night stands, i was wrong. there was this girl the other day not so long ago. I had feelings for her, we had a little too much to drink, i finally confessed to her when we were drunk, yes that was stupid of me. I kissed her, she kissed back and sparks flew that night. The next day she woke up beside me, i asked her do you remember what happened last night? no, i then explained to her, but then she regretfully said she had no feelings, she told me she had feelings on one night and it all changed the next.

Well i may still be a player inside, but it's because i'm still making my choices, there maybe better choices out there, right after my last ex i knew there were many good hearted girls, but to make a good omelet you have to break a few eggs. it was from experience where i learned how to catch girls hearts, It was from heart breaks where i learned to take care and make my choices, it was from lies where i learned the meaning of trust. 

Girls always say that guys suck, there are a lot of players out there, well it only took one girl in life to make a good guy bad. I'm done playing, although i know i still can, i just don't want to anymore

Happy Valentines day everyone

Fortune

Fortune is a part of our current life, most of the people know depends on their fortune and luck. 2013 has come to an end, so lets welcome the year of the horse.

Chinese New year, this is one of the few days i look forward to all year long, not including Christmas that is. Me and my sister's always look forward to this few days every year, the food, the red packets, and last off all is the fireworks. Every time after I get my red packets, there are a few things i would do.

As money is and always will be the few things that make me happy, well off course it doesn't make me sad to have money.

With the money received, there will always be for me a test or luck and fortune, and for many as well. On Chinese New Year gambling and loud noises make the atmosphere in my family much more livelier every year. Gambling is what i can call a bad habit of mine, a part of me believes in the things as fortune and luck during gambling, it's not that i don't have enough money, it's the thrill that I get from it.

The moment where you only stand with your last 10 Ringgit and you decide you push it all in now, and you cup your hands together hoping that what you want comes out. 

So then during Chinese New Year we sit down together to gamble, and when we win we say "HUAT AH"this word means prosperity, by gambling having the good thrill and big smile but when we lose, as the pressure of getting what we lost has got us by the throat. 

For this year i have my fortune has been going up and down, didn't lost much or the other way around. No matter how much the money is and how good the fortune could be, i know that my family will always have my back

The Potential Girl

The other day i was out having a drink with my friends, there was a a question they asked

Hey bro what is you taste of girl ah? like what kind of girl would you like, then i thought back on my ex's what kind of girls do i like, but when i think back on what kind of girl i really like, and what kind of girl do i like, they are not what of i expect.

The potential girl, i have dated many girls, not to be bragging. The potential girl i want is probably one the can be open minded, independent, sweet, and have a kind attitude. Of course thats what every one wants, then again from the ex's that i had, they are not independent, mostly not open minded, and pretty much kids from where i stand. 

Then i was thought what do i really want? feelings maybe just feelings, but they help to spark things of but if their attitudes don't fit, it really doesn't matter, for the relationship may not even last. A girl for me i guess the feelings don't really matter anymore, anything can be fallen for. as long given the right amount of time. 

Any one can like many girls, but every man can only love only one, like to love is a process. It takes time to change like into love. i have done it a few times. if anyones sees this and disagree, you can keep it to your self because this is my opinion. 

I have seen many girls that are extremely self-destructive, rude, and violent to their other half, not to say some guys aren't the same, but i still look down on a guy that would hit a girl. No girl should stand for a guy hitting them unless if they are really asking for it. 

The main point is, the girl for me now is by feeling, but i am still looking for the right one. i may have many ex's but i try to love and give my best to always make them smile. I can easily fall for any girl, but it doesn't mean i move on easy. As long as time and effort is given to love them, I would definitely have more feelings towards her. My current one has a very sweet smile and extremely smart, and being with her would make me doubt myself why would she like me. Well if it is seem from my point of view, it could be simply just love or simply enough our personalities match nicely.

I myself know how it feels to be hurt and played, and i have done my fair share of playing. from the point where I stand right now, i would know a lot about how a girl would think, and react before it even happens. So controlling and  setting something up would be easy. i may understand most girls but there are some that i still don't understand, usually those girls are known as the ones that got away. I guess it's because i couldn't understand them thats why i gave up. 

As from what i have seen for the past few days, i can consider myself an extremely patient guy, compared to some people i know. As we can see girls can sometimes be difficult, but we still sacrifice for them, why? why do we sacrifice our dignity to make them happy, the answer is pretty simple, it's because we love and care for them. 

It doesn't matter if they are creative or smart, it's the feeling and the click you have when you're with each other. Most of the couple these day always forget about why did they got together, it is very simple to just say the word break up, so easy to let go. Well i don't think so, i may have been separated for awhile now but i don't think i can ever forget what has happened in the past. The sacrifices that i have made and the sacrifices that she has given.

It is by experience thats why i understand so much, all strong relationship needs is just the right amount of understanding, love, feelings, patients, and sacrifice. All this for one simple person, The potential girl, or the future wife, to SMILE

No hates please

hipptiee hop la!!!

Boom new year so far is a blast drinking partying and meeting new people, falling for the person and knowing her even more right now, maybe i might be good enough but i'll give as much as i can to make you happy.


Steve Aoki Yooo!!!! it was a total blast, at first i felt like she treating me out for a rave isn't good for a guy, but it gave me a chance to know her more, and to have more of a feeling towards her, Well she made me smile like i never had in a long time, maybe she might be the one after all.

Nothing comes easy i guess, i'll work hard and make her happy with all i can.

Now classes has begun all i can do is sit back and watch see what happen. these days i have also said things like, if i could help i would but then i couldn't help no matter how much i want to, it totally changed how i thought, it made me feel, that i'm all talk no action. Arghh i hate being useless when some one comes to ask for help. i hope you are alright, and things go well.

i promised my self to be a different person this year and yes i did become a different person, now i think i'm still not good enough so i should be even better  =)

It's Now A New

It's a new year finally another year has passed, another 364 days have gone in a blink of an eye, more experiences have been learnt and many more to come. the past year of 2013 I have learnt a lot. Many for example that not every one can be trusted, the ones closest to you might even betray you, the ones that have always been arguing with you may be the one that loves you the most. I'm 21 this year it may seem old but I think I'm still a kid at heart.

I have been in love the last year, it could be said it was one of my few longest relationship i had, we had our ups and downs, but now it has all ended and the new year haha it was totally great.

i have also met many new friends, some that i may have doubted that they are cocky but actually very friendly, I'm sorry to all the people that i may have offended in the last year. Maybe this year we could be friends or something more. what ever it was let the past stay in the past, out with the old and in with the new.

In the past year i had many secrets, and till now they may still be secrets, I still don't understand why cant i trust anyone. I have tried to be open, tried to speak my mind, but in the end only strangers know me better then my best friends. I guess I'm just afraid "smirk".

The last year i have traveled to many places from the closes of Genting to the furthest Bangkok, in the end when i got back for new year, and wanted a change, I made out with a girl on new years day, and slept with one the next. Hey some may hate what i do, but if you don't live when would you. My way of living might be less interesting as some others but it was a my own roller-coaster of life.

This year i hope to look to settle down and earn more money, probably upgrade myself, every one now is trying very hard to upgrade, so why cant I, every one should look forward for a better future.

Moral of the story - It doesn't mean new year you need to change yourselves, change anytime but for the better and don't look back on what fucks have you done, the past maybe better or worse, but the future is a mystery