Separated

Have you ever spent so much time with a person that you know that this person is a part of your life and you know that you wouldn't ever want to every say goodbye, and as the time goes by you notice that time is just too short, and what you did before was just a blink of an eye from yesterday, hell yea we have probably been through all this whether they are a friend or a partner.

A year has gone by, i had my ups and downs, we spent out time together almost every day, we move from place to place joked so loud that no one even gets it, all i know is the moment we decided to move forward together with our hands held tight it was the best thing that has ever happened to me, we traveled loved, learned, teach, and a lot more, but what this one year we had together did not prepare me for properly was the day of your departure, we spent our last week together 24/7 had our very last laughs and tears at the very last moments, thinking about the time we spent is a very good way to stay happy, but it is also a very painful experience. 

Since the day that you turned around and walked through those doors  i have been struggling to put my life back together, but it really takes a of people, and a lot of time to fill up the void that was left in emptiness, now I just sit at home every day sulking and lazing around with no proper goal. The moment when I let go of your hand was a day i felt that i can't live with out the women in my life, she is the one that has made me forget about what is in the past stay in the past.

Now everyday i look forward to most is a text from you, having the chance to your face again through this piece of glass, all i know is i have forgotten how does it feel like to hold your hand the touch of your skin and the kiss of your cheeks, the texture of your skin when i hold you close to my heart as it was the first time we truly departed both ways. 

I don't really know how a long distance relationship works, because i have never tried to fight for one in the past, but now i really wonder how so many of my friends could stand not seeing their partners for over 2 years and still keep such a calm face when we see them everyday, this is an obstacle none the less which i hope i can accomplish without any hassle, I am very depressed since the day you left, but as a boyfriend, i'm suppose to support you and wish you all the best, yes and i wonder so many times that am i selfish for wishing that you will not leave my side to chase your dream, what am i saying of course i am selfish for even thing about this.

I guess the is really the true test of loyalty, perseverance, and strength, i will wait for you till the day my other half comes back home. 

I love you TeaYeon remember that you have a home here back in Malaysia

Happy one year anniversary 

You showed my the deliciousness of Jajangmian =))

We ended up right where we began

Flips the pictures

Hello life, the past few months have been enjoyable, or more to say interesting, i've met many new friends and also seen more of a grown up life, wanting something is not enough now i guess, but the fulfillment after the goal or the thing that you have wanted after so long is in your grasp. . . 

But then after awhile when you look at it again, you said no you don't need that, well all i have to say is this few months through i have learned a lot of lessons, i have grew up a lot more, and lastly firmly plant myself on the earth that i have stand, quitting cigarets was really hard i am still trying, well progress is there. and loving my wife as always, changing one after another is more, or more likely I'm way to old to play this game already, but then again i am not complaining, my girl is way better then any that have ever came over.

Not to say that the past is bad it's just she may be the right one to live with my life, a guy is just a guy with out a companion, you can grow old and still not have a girl by your side and still say hey i love my life i don't need a girl, but before you know it, everyone around you is getting hitched, going into a relationship or eve finally falling in love. Matter is you don't need to rush this, i guess i have learned that living with yourself happily is good enough, but when the time comes when the right girl comes along. . .

What would you do? 

Would you just sit there?

Would you just let her walk pass as you fail to catch her?

Well i don't know about you, but I've caught my butterfly, in the past i have been trying to look for the right relationship and the right girl, wasting my time, wasting my money on girls that i think are hot or cute or what every horny guys say, but when the right one comes it will just shoot right in your face, do you know why? because it has always been there all the while, my girl i have known her for awhile i just had no interest in a girl like that, but after dating awhile it was a start right away.

Some people fall in love at first sight but, i didn't fall for her till i guess she let me through the golden gates of her heart. Cheesy ain't it, but it doesn't matter.

When i looked through the pictures of my old phone, i smiled. . . looking at the past 2 years of how much i have grown, and how childish i have been made me wonder, if i had grown up sooner what would if be like? would it be any different from who i am right now? would i have learned how to earn my own money? would i have learned how to stand up after i fall. truth is no one knows, our future is unknown to us, you may go to a party after reading this or go on a date who cares, but will the date that you have, or the party you're going to be as what you expect it to be, hey worst case you would try some cocaine and OD, or go on a date with a play girl that you would one day marry .

The pictures i have flipped through were in the past, i smiled at them, i watched the past videos and teared a little, but all of them are but memories, they won't come back to say lets repeat what just happened, soon those pictures you had you're probably going to delete, or even just lose them would you fell sad? NO!! you shouldn't, because living in the past is a drag, living for the future is too unpredictable, whats important is now, and what you do with you life. 

You could get drunk when you're happy or sad, or you can sit on a roof some where with a beer in your hand and say life sucks. Why does life truly suck? BECAUSE YOU DONT MOVE ON!!! i move on with my life every time i fail, doesn't mean it keeps me down, live on what you currently have, no what you're going to have or what you had two days ago.

All this brings me back to one picture that made me write this it was the first picture that i hoped would be my Tattoo, it was "CARPE DIEM" with some ideas drawn to it, and i may have for gotten about this tattoo, but i have been living my life with this word for over 2 years and it has brought me nothing but problems, and also a whole lot of happiness. Yeah i said problems, nothing is perfect life sucks move on, if you don't move on just cry if you want, no one is going to pity you when you're down, so get up and live your life again. 

well this was really a very emotional post for me with all the stress, and drama going around, life really throws loads of shit, but if you just calm down and look at it at a different point of view, you may actually find that there is nothing to be worried about, unless if it is a pregnancy that is something you should worry about. 

Other then that, my suggestion to you would be look back at the past pictures, if you have problems who knows those pictures may give you answers, a picture speaks a thousand words, but sometimes the meaning my differ. 

love life, and live it CARPE DIEM

New start??

Hello everyone it has been 5 days since the new year, life has been great so far. for the past year everything was totally great and well i have a good feeling about this one.

People always say that every year you must have a new years resolution well tell you the truth i think its stupid. Why do i say so? simply because almost everyone is going to fail to achieve this goal that they have set. for example, i have heard so many of my friends saying, i'm going to loss weight, i'm going to quit smoking, i'm gonna save up more money,but in the end almost no one achieves what they said, it will probably go on for 2weeks, or 2 months, then it all ends, the resolution is forgotten. 

Every one fails to achieve a certain goal sometimes but i guess be realistic, besides just going for the goal straight up you could set an easier one, like instead of losing weight you could just cancel out junk foods or fast foods for a few weeks, i guess that would probably help for losing weight. Well for smoking, thats a different story, i myself have been going at it all year, and well i didn't get much results either for the past few months. but i guess cutting back could be a good option. 

All i know is set your goals up good enough so that you could reach them, but not too high. After a few months when you see the results it might not be as great but it's probably a better result from what you had from the past year. Tell your self everyday that this time i am doing it, not that i will do it or i am going to do it. Tackle your goal and see the results, its all in your own mind set. 

I know my year is going to be great, i'm quitting cigarettes. . . . yes i know many of my friends would probably go yea right, listen first, but actions speak louder then words so just do it. This year is also the year where i'm finally going to graduate from diploma. like finally seriously, All the time i have wasted, finally i have a result to show. 

Besides studies, this is probably going to my journal, everything that will happen or is happening will be here, so that one day i would look back at this year 2015 i would laugh at myself in the future.
this was what happened in the last few months to me. . .

Our prom performance

(we are troublemakers)

our second month anniversary 

Isn't she just the cutest <3<3<3

Hair Going pink

(was on accident for using a funny conditioner) 

lastly finding the love of my life

(she is the one)

I guess all I'm just saying the best thing that has happened to me for the past few months is her

my most beautiful, hottest, sexiest, and lastly cutest girlfriend.

lastly happy new year everyone all the best for the coming year, 

and make sure to always be happy in what you are doing.

Here is a flip for the new year

A path to walk

I have been on and off different paths in my life, seeing different people and talking to even more, but finally until now i have really found one that i can seriously walk down till it ends. I have finally found what to live for. i use to think that there is nothing much to look forward to, live is simple enough to live day by day like this, but now there is finally a real goal for me to achieve.

I slacked of the paths many time, I gave up on many great things that i never though would actually mean something, but now i hope i can get back up on those paths that i was once on. I even had always though that it is not worth to push on but, now i know even a single thread on a tapestry, though it's color brightly shines, can you ever see its purpose, in the picture of its grand design. The stone that sits on the very top on the mountains mighty face, does it think its more importance then the stones that form the base.

From just the words that i heard from a few close friends have finally woke me up, to chasing what i was once chasing. I could have never seen what life was worth with out them. He and she, both of these friends though it was not long i have met them, but i can see that they will be very amazing people one day, I may not be around when they do, but its just because of that slight push that i needed. i'm done being the joker, the player, and the one that everyone asks to drink.

The new path that i have chosen is no mistake, i was once successful, i could have became better, but I stopped, it's time to get back on and make my something of my self again, I may be a nothing now, but watch me world as with god and my friends by my side i believe that with this I can move mountains.

Anything that is of unimportance will be shrugged off, while I grow with the time that passes. Now i really know the meaning of nothing good comes easy, and nothing easy is good. there is a quote that i once heard " When i rich man loses everything he owns, has he truly lost his worth, or is it the beginning of a new and brighter birth". Without trying there is no chance in getting better. Sometimes we need to look at it from heaven's eye.

Loneliness

What is loneliness really, all i know there are people out there feeling lonely right now, and needing company and comfort. All of us have our own ways to over come loneliness, some use studying, some just get hobbies, but what about the others that have no way to over come this? This is a pain i have been through before and i don' t want anyone to go through the same feeling.

now after a few months of being single it doesn't really matter if you are single or not, everyone would feel lonely, i feel lonely almost every day, when i sit in the car by the lake taking a puff from the cigarettes, I use to think i was thinking, why am i feeling so depressed, why do i always feel down. Well i took me awhile to piece together one and one. I know i might have been slow, but loneliness hurts, just the other night when i hugged her to sleep i felt happy that some one was there,  it was a feeling that i had not felt in awhile.

Although i knew the answers to the questions she would give i still wanted to spend as much time as i can with her, it doesn't matter how the time was spent, just seeing her, holding her, and listening to her voice is enough to make me smile. Enough of that, in school i always wanna have people around me, i always wanted to have people to chat and have fun with, but when i have no plans what do i do? I feel lonely like why am i so alone.

The girl that i met when she told me that hope kept her there, I'm guessing she had no feelings for me what so ever when she told me this, she told me that when i asked him out he would say no, as long as he would not give him a chance, then i felt wait you're doing the same thing, but i couldn't let her know, so i hugged her, and hope that she would notice that i really do care, i hope she notices that i don't simply open up myself, i hugged you so that you would know that i'd be there for you.

I'm laughing right now thinking when you see this, you might not talk to me again, that the loneliness would just be in the cycle again. If you do see this, i just want you to know, it's easy to say you moved on, but your heart doesn't always do so, you can tell me you do like me and not give me hope, but like you I still hope, hope that you would open up to me, at least you would feel lonely again, because i was lonely before.

A play boys life

In the past i have been a play boy, well maybe i still am i can't really tell anymore. it all started when i was 15 i had too a choice of keeping to my word and being with one, or going for the one that has rejected me. one of them rejected me again and again, till the day i gave up, there was already some one there comforting me, so as anyone, of course i took a step back and went for the one that has comfort me. 

one mistake i did was changing my mind, i turned around and hurt the one that was there to comfort me, and continued to be in a relationship with the one that rejected me. in life i notice this has happened to me from time to time, its when you don't want it and when you have already given up, it comes to you without saying much. After when we broke up, I got with her best friend, the one that I hurt. she says that she is ok she didn't like me anyway, well i can see that it was all lies, but when i was going for her best friend the same thing happened, the moment i gave up and went for another, she came back. 

Back then i didn't understand why was she like this, and her name was Hannah by the way. our relationship didn't last long we were always arguing, and 8 months just past, i lied to her again and again, because i was afraid that she would get angry at the most stupidest things, so I lied. now i understand why, why shouldn't i lie to her. 

because of the things i have don't in the past, i have always had many choices, some bad and some good, I learned many things, mostly i learned to be patient. it wasn't until lately things started to move backwards again when i start to notice similarities that i have done in the past, which lead to writing this. 

Karma, i thought many times that me liking this girl would be the last, and she this girl would be the last, right now i only thought guys would always go for one night stands, i was wrong. there was this girl the other day not so long ago. I had feelings for her, we had a little too much to drink, i finally confessed to her when we were drunk, yes that was stupid of me. I kissed her, she kissed back and sparks flew that night. The next day she woke up beside me, i asked her do you remember what happened last night? no, i then explained to her, but then she regretfully said she had no feelings, she told me she had feelings on one night and it all changed the next.

Well i may still be a player inside, but it's because i'm still making my choices, there maybe better choices out there, right after my last ex i knew there were many good hearted girls, but to make a good omelet you have to break a few eggs. it was from experience where i learned how to catch girls hearts, It was from heart breaks where i learned to take care and make my choices, it was from lies where i learned the meaning of trust. 

Girls always say that guys suck, there are a lot of players out there, well it only took one girl in life to make a good guy bad. I'm done playing, although i know i still can, i just don't want to anymore

Happy Valentines day everyone

Fortune

Fortune is a part of our current life, most of the people know depends on their fortune and luck. 2013 has come to an end, so lets welcome the year of the horse.

Chinese New year, this is one of the few days i look forward to all year long, not including Christmas that is. Me and my sister's always look forward to this few days every year, the food, the red packets, and last off all is the fireworks. Every time after I get my red packets, there are a few things i would do.

As money is and always will be the few things that make me happy, well off course it doesn't make me sad to have money.

With the money received, there will always be for me a test or luck and fortune, and for many as well. On Chinese New Year gambling and loud noises make the atmosphere in my family much more livelier every year. Gambling is what i can call a bad habit of mine, a part of me believes in the things as fortune and luck during gambling, it's not that i don't have enough money, it's the thrill that I get from it.

The moment where you only stand with your last 10 Ringgit and you decide you push it all in now, and you cup your hands together hoping that what you want comes out. 

So then during Chinese New Year we sit down together to gamble, and when we win we say "HUAT AH"this word means prosperity, by gambling having the good thrill and big smile but when we lose, as the pressure of getting what we lost has got us by the throat. 

For this year i have my fortune has been going up and down, didn't lost much or the other way around. No matter how much the money is and how good the fortune could be, i know that my family will always have my back